


Stand By You

by Bucky_Winchester



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 13:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16285625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bucky_Winchester/pseuds/Bucky_Winchester
Summary: James doesn't want to ruin Thomas' presidential pursuits. If anyone found out about their secret relationship it would be disastrous. He thinks the best way to protect Thomas is to break up with him, angst ensues.





	Stand By You

James stared down at the note in his lap smiling slightly. _Meet me in my office when you’re done *wink* (_ Yes he actually wrote out the word wink) _\-- Your Darling, Thomas._ James had been sitting in this incredibly uneventful meeting with a man who just wouldn’t shut up for almost an hour now. He was getting more and more restless with the anticipation of seeing Thomas. They had been secretly seeing each other for seven months now, but James had loved him for far longer. He wished they could be together out in public, but there remained that pesky law of which the punishment is castration and death. James looks out the window watching the sunset, and wishing he could just go see Thomas already. He was finally able to leave, and James didn’t waste any time getting to Thomas’ office and quickly shutting and locking the door behind him. Thomas looks up from the paper he was intently writing on and gives James his biggest smile.

“Hi darling.” Thomas says walking over and wrapping his arms around James’ waist.

“Hi Thomas.” James says blushing profoundly from the pet name, no matter how long they’ve dated it never fails to make James feel giddy inside.

Thomas gives James a quick peck before detaching himself and walking back over to his desk chair trying and failing to hide his exhaustion. He sits down very ungracefully but holds his arms out for James to come sit on his lap. James follows and sits down leaning his back against Thomas’ chest. James rubs Thomas’ hands for a bit trying to release some of the stress Thomas has been under. They lay there in comfortable silence for almost 20 minutes just enjoying each other’s presence. James turns his head and sees Thomas fighting against sleep he obviously needs.

“Baby you need to go home and get some rest.” James says.

“No, no I’m fine it’s just running for president kinda sucks.” Thomas says sighing.

James laughs slightly at Thomas’ choice of words but looks him in his eyes and runs a gentle hand through his curls.

“Tommy come on all of this will still be here tomorrow.” James says giving him an only slightly pleading look.

“No, I need to win this election, speaking of which I should probably get back to work but thank you for coming I really needed to see your face.” Thomas says looking around for his pen that he was using earlier. James stops him and gives a slow sweet kiss dragging it out for as long as he could before he needed to pull away for air. Thomas goes back in for a second kiss grinding his hips up not so subtly. James pulls away soon after and Thomas meets him with a dissatisfied pout.

“I really should go now.” James says smirking as he made his way to the door.

“Really you’re leaving now.” Thomas says whining a bit.

“Hey your the one who said they needed to work, but once you're done come find me.” James says giving a wink as he walks out the door. James steps out looking down the hallway before slowly closing the door behind him. James starts to make his way back to his office when he runs into Alexander Hamilton making Alex drop everything in his hands. This is very clearly Alex’s fault he was running down the hallway not looking to where he’s going but, he’s had a terrible couple of months and James wasn’t heartless so he sucks up his pride and apologizes to Alex.

“Geez, I’m sorry.” James says wincing a little.

“No, it’s fine just help me pick up this stuff would ya?” Alex asks bending down to pick up the fallen papers.

James begins to pick up the papers as quickly as possible and hands them to Hamilton.

“Thanks.” Alexander stays with curt tone.

“Look Alex, I know we haven’t been the best of friends these days, but honestly how are you doing.” James says taking note of Alexander’s more exhausted than normal appearance.

“I’m pretty shit James.” Alex says looking devastated.

“I’m so sorry Alexander.” James says genuinely.

“Just- learn from my mistakes, don’t ruin your life with a scandal, it’s not worth it.” Alex walking off significantly slower this time.

James walks the rest of the way back to his office. He sits at his desk staring at his work for almost ten minutes before he decides, it’s just not happening tonight. He collects all his things and leaves a note on his desk for Thomas, telling him he was going home. They didn’t technically live together, but Thomas does tend to spend most nights at James’ house. He did feel bad, after all, he did tell Thomas to come and find him when he was done, but Thomas was probably going to work his way well through the night anyway. He decides to walk home feeling like he needed the hour to think about what Hamilton said. Thomas was very close to being president, and what if someone found out about them, James thought. Thomas would be ruined, never respected again. But no one would ever find out they were careful, but maybe not careful enough James thinks becoming anxious. He couldn’t be the reason Thomas’ life is ruined. But that leaves only one option that James didn’t even want to come near. He loved Thomas so much it hurt, he couldn’t break up with him. But, he also couldn’t let Thomas’ life go to shit for him. James feels tears run down his face.

He finally reaches his house and walks in slowly. He walks straight to his room, lies done on his bed, and sobs. He cries and cries for what feels like hours. He gets up and goes to his wardrobe. He reaches in the back until he pulls out a small purple box and sits down on the floor with it. In it James has kept all the small notes Thomas would write him when he had to leave before James was awake, the roses Thomas gives him for their anniversaries, small gifts from Thomas’ trips to France, just things that remind James of Thomas. He thought getting rid of this box would make the actual decision easier to deal with, but I just made James want to hold Thomas close and never let go. Thomas was the one light in his life back when he thought he had nothing else. He helped him find strength in himself and not just to fight but to win. Thomas mattered more to him than anything else in his life has ever had. He didn’t want to let that go, but he knew he was being selfish. Thomas doesn’t deserve his life and legacy destroyed, because James was too selfish to let him go. James sits on his floor numb, no more tears come just this feeling of nothingness.

“James?” Thomas says a worried tone to his voice.

James jerks up, utterly surprised to see Thomas here. He hadn’t realized how late it actually was, and thought Thomas would probably just go back to his own house anyway. He hadn’t even heard the door open, or Thomas’ steps going up the stairs.

“Thomas.” James croaks throat sore from crying.

Thomas doesn’t try hiding the grief and worry on his face at finding his boyfriend sitting on the floor at three in the morning, having obviously been crying. Thomas quickly goes over to James and lays a tentative hand on his shoulder. Thomas is usually very good at reading James emotions, but right now he just looks blank.

“James, sweetheart what’s wrong?” Thomas says going to lightly stroke James’ back.

James takes a minute to pull himself together a little more, this will most definitely be the hardest thing he will ever have to do and needs any small strength he can muster.

“Thomas I think-” James stops voice wavering. Thomas doesn’t stay anything just looks at James and listens intently.

“Thomas I think we should break up.” James finishes, looking down to his lap, not having the heart to look at Thomas’ face. James tries to hold back tears but fails. Tears start to slowly trickle down his face, but he makes no move to wipe them away. After a moment of Thomas not saying anything, James lifts his head and the look on Thomas’ face breaks his heart so fully he thinks it actually starts to physically hurt.  

“But-bu” Thomas starts but isn’t able to finish his sentence before a sob racks through him heavily. James heart breaks in two seeing Thomas like this, but he knows he needs to finish this before he isn’t able to.

“Thomas what if you become president, what if someone finds out about us then. Your life would be ruined and I refuse to do that to you.” James says quickly wanting to get it all out before he starts fully crying. Thomas listens and doesn’t speak for a few minutes as he slowly stops crying enough to speak.

“James I would gladly take on only scandal or rumor if it meant I still have you with me. If I ever have to lose you my life would miserable, I promise you James, I want you by my side through everything, not just the good.” Thomas says taking James’ hand in his and placing it over his own heart. James wants to listen and tell Thomas all his feelings he was never able to voice before. He wants to hold Thomas close in his arms and tell him he didn’t really mean this. But, James knows he can’t want for those things.

“Thomas please, think, look what happened to Hamilton, I’m not worth it.” James says slightly gripping Thomas’ shirt then letting go and placing his hands in his lap.

“James you are worth everything to me. I have never felt a love so strong for anyone else and just- I just don’t know how to tell you so you will listen.” Thomas says breaking down towards the end.

“I want you, James, you, no matter what happens it will always be you.” Thomas whispers.

James loses it then and falls right into Thomas’ body not being able to stop himself. Thomas wraps his arms around James pulling him closer towards his chest. James realizes that he could never lose Thomas, and can’t believe he ever thought he could.

“Thomas I’m so sorry, I-I-I never wanted to lose you. I thought this would be the best way to protect you.” James says against Thomas’ chest

“I know baby I know, it’s ok, it’s alright.” Thomas whispers in James’ ear running a soothing hand up and down his back.

Thoms picks up James and carries him over to his bed where he lays him down gently. Thomas lies down next to him and pulls the heavy duvet over both of them. He reaches out an arm and wraps it around James’ waist. James responds by moving all the way against Thomas’ chest. Thomas kisses James’ forehead softly before closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly. James grabs a hold of one of Thomas’ arms around him and squeezes lightly and leaves his hand there falling into a blissful sleep.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so this is my first time really writing emotional angst, so if anyone has any constructive critiques or criticism I would love to hear them. Anyway other than that hoped you liked it and stay in school.
> 
> Title: Stand By You by Marlisa


End file.
